Transitions
Big Transitions = Big Emotions
This week has been one of the most exciting and stressful weeks for me and my family. We have been preparing for my first IRL book talk, my twins’ first end of the school year at elementary school, and our move to our parents’ house in Massachusetts. So many things to be excited about (and believe me, we’re excited)! So many things to be buzzing on eleven about too (and believe me, we’re all abuzz)!
The biomechanics of excitement are similar to the biomechanics of stress. Enter stimuli. Your brain releases neurohormones like dopamine and serotonin. Your amygdala springs to attention and ignites your hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenals (HPA) axis. In the case of stress, that HPA axis then releases cortisol to stimulate your organs to think, “fight or flight.” In the case of excitement, the HPA axis allows the sense-making parts of the brain, like the prefrontal cortex, to calm you. But in the moment, your organs—your heart, circulatory system, stomach, and muscles—go to work in a similar way. Your body buzzes with activity.
“Because there is a formula to making pretty much everything in life, as well as life itself, easier. Use stressors as flags. Flag my rational mind to engage. Engage my executive functioning. Get that executive functioning to help me get what I need.”
With big transitions, stimuli can spark a mixture of reactions all at the same time. As adults, we can have a rational conversation with ourselves, like a check-in. We can ask what we are really feeling, what we want to think about our present situation, and what kind of reaction we want to continue to have, a.k.a. what to do with our feelings. Kids haven’t learned that part, so it’s up to us to give them the language for it.
Parenting on Eleven
When I find myself working hard to figure out how I check in with myself (on top of already checking in too about the same stimuli), and when I find myself working hard to translate that check-in process to children of different ages and stages, I find myself getting exhausted. I call it “parenting on eleven.” If there were a dial with the numbers 1-10 on it, this is off the scale.
That is when I turn to my favorite parenting resources to pack my prefrontal cortex with good material to draw on. Dr. Ayesha, Dr. Becky, Dr. Cara, Dr. Krupa, Dr. Laura, Dr. Tina…I could go on. Which shows that the wheel has been invented. My brain can rest easy.
Well, not easy but easier. Because there is a formula to making pretty much everything in life, as well as life itself, easier. Use stressors as flags. Flag my rational mind to engage. Engage my executive functioning. Get that executive functioning to help me get what I need.
And the kid version? “You seem excited. I am too! Let’s close our eyes, take a big deep breath, open our eyes and figure out what’s next. You can do it by yourself too, like mommy does!”