A Home of Love and Trust

The Foundation

Every home starts with a foundation, as does every relationship we forge within that home. For our home environment to be a healthy space that nourishes and nurtures us, that foundation must be made of love and trust.

Now, I know as well as anyone that we don’t get to choose the emotional bases of each and every relationship in our lives. At the risk of being repetitive, I want to acknowledge that we are born into situations way out of our control. And the home environment we grew up in is a perfect example of this principle. Still, I am the only one who can ensure that I am proceeding in life with love at the foundation of my interactions with my loved ones and within my home. 

The good news is that, though I can’t rely on others to do the work for me, foundations are by definition shared. That means that the love and trust I pour into those foundations support healthy interactions that benefit all. By grounding love and trust into the home environment, I am pushing the needle toward health and wholeness for me and my family. 

The Framework

Invoking love and trust is easy to do, but it takes real action and concerted devotion to practice them. A home isn’t an inert space but rather a living, breathing, active place in which our interactions edify and fortify our values. What we say is extremely important, but it is less important than what we do. 

There is an apt saying in parenting “kids do what we do, not what we say.” I believe we can extrapolate this to anybody living in our home, engaging in routine interaction with us. If I bring attentiveness and mindfulness to my interactions and to the people I live with, then they will mirror that. If, by contrast, I just pay lip service to “caring” about them, then they will tune out and lose trust in me.

If you were to ask me what I would have wanted in terms of my familial home life growing up regarding the quality of interactions in it, I would say having my parents listen to me, having them really see me. And having them hear and see each other. So I start there at the most basic part of interaction—eye contact, active listening, and repeating back/acknowledging that I hear my loved ones. With my children, I literally get down on the floor to make direct eye contact with them. I hold that eye contact as long as we are speaking to one another. And when any of my loved ones is speaking to me about something that is important to them, I don’t walk away or allow others to interrupt us unless it’s truly an emergency. I ask them questions and repeat back what I have heard so that I allow them to elaborate while experiencing me as engaged, mindful, present. 

Finally, I remind myself that I am building love and trust into the framework of our home by practicing love and trust. If I notice myself straying, I correct my behavior. I treat my behaviors as habits that I am improving, that I will improve because at heart, I am love.